Release

I feel the vice-like grip loosen on my conciousness.

It feels good to breathe free again.

Why then what is the point when you've forgotten how to breathe.
What is the point when you've forgotten how air smells like.
How the chilly air freezes your lungs with each breath.


Maybe its sometimes better to have that grip back.
Or maybe I should move on for the greater good.

Failure

Oh goodbye my beloved H1s.

It was fun fantasizing about you.

Maybe I'll finally make out with you in Semester 2.

For now Ill be happy to gain a H2A.

If I failed a subject, I'll say a semester of slackish studying didnt work as well as last minute cramming.

Distraction

I believe I've watched this video over 10 times.

its just so great...

And Teramoto has the cutest kiai ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4SHWXQBVL4
*Kendo in High Speed Camera(Slow Motion)

it helps feed my addiction.
My temporary fix.
The fix that helps me forget the flaws of life and the woes of the world.


Then again there're things more addictive and intrusive then kendo.

Gonna make this one quick.

After a week of paranoid, far from rational thinking. I have made up my mind to change certain policies in my life.

Due to the more personal nature of this topic, I shall avoid speaking directly on what it means. Though its seems pretty obvious to me what I intend to NOT-convey *well duh, Im the author dammit*, if you have any doubts about the content,

"Please feel free to tape your mouth together and not ask anything."
Certain issues, I prefer to initiate them myself when I feel the time is right, poking your dick into uncharted holes will only cause it to incur the wrath of vagina dentata. Unless you wish to receive a cold shoulder, use your imaginations if you will.

So yes, entertain yourselves while I try to find approriate euphesisms. In fact, go ahead and scratch your skulls as you notice the increasingly bizzare words use. It only reflects my thoughts at certain times of my life.

And no, this is one of those posts when Im trying to say that all isnt well, Im just pretending to be all jolly and shit.

hahaha.

Now, I used to believe in the concept of stalking. Why expose yourself and make a fool out of yourself when you could be happily (or hidden away) watching events unfold from a distance. Theres no point getting your hands messy, no need at all. Its not like anyone notices you in the first place anymore.

Then, it developed into the concept of submarines (post no questions). Running silent, gathering information until I reckoned it was safe enough to make a move.

Obviously that was fucked up, since its never possible to collect enough information to satisfy my doubts. And in the end, something or someone crops up and the whole plot is abandoned in a very sour mood.

Now, I realise I should go for the ippon strike. You take the opportunity and make the cut. Dont just idle around and wait. Its now or never, either you make that opening happen, or you just noticed the other party dropped their guard and made the opening, doesnt matter, just grab the chance.

And of course of late, Im heading towards a new glorius destination. Why bother making one cut when you can make multiple cuts? Instead of one party, why not multiple ones? Just food for thought.

I've really gotten sick of being the one being pushed around.

Just so bloody sick.
And angry.


Cheers.

Why must I have a title for every post?

Kendo training in 9 hours time!

Thats a great motivation.

:(

So yes, I lied.

I havent gotten over it.
And Im going to have my econs exam in 14 hours.

Im not in a really good vibe right now to be in an exam.
What if I broke down like the time in PMR during the history paper and spent 70% of the exam time pondering about why, how and what?

:(
Shit man, I hate being fucking incel.

*bloody hell..
prodding here and there but getting nowhere.

Desire

Question yourself.
Question myself.

What do you want?
What do you seek now.
What do you seek in the future.
What does your heart desire.
What does your heart hungers for.
What do you yearn for.

If given the chance, would you take that leap into the unknown to achieve something you're not entirely sure is worth the risk.

I've came across situations when that leap was only a step wide, yet, I didnt make the jump.


Fool I am.
If I could only hear you once more.

Random Mumbles

To let you know.

There was one point in my life, I felt like I could do everything alone. That I could achieve something purely through self effort. It wasnt more of a self determination issue. It was more of a self isolating, self induced depression thing.

This kinda sounds like it came out of some chain mail message telling you to forward it to 15 of your friends, or a phantom of me will haunt you at 12am tonight and poke you out of bed with my shinai....

Well it isnt.

The thing Im trying to convey here is how stupid it all seems now. It was this funny mentality thing I had back then, the whole idea of being tough and keeping my emotions inside. So yes, I somewhat spent my days back then pretty self contained, I'd say 40% of the time I wasnt quite connected to people emotionally, not even my family, let alone my friends.

Of course when I look back now, it seems like a good year wasted being such an anti-socialising slob.

Just to let your peeps out there know, I'm very very happy I know you guys. The whole lot. Special recognitions go to (in order of time) :

a. The remaining pals I still am in contact with since Primary School. Which would mainly consist of Benjamin and abit of Kah Ho.
b. The whole CHS Prefects. God how I love you guys for being there to support me when I felt like I had to do what was expected of me.
c. 5s5 crew. To be specific, the 2006 ones. Not the inferior ones who came before/after us. ( DO NOT BE OFFENDED MY PREDECESSORS/SUCCESSORS)
d. The CHS people whom didnt fit into the last 2 categories. Big cheers to ex-classmates
e. Trinity College group
f. The closer ones I knew in Trinity.
g. A few special people whom I met over the years.
h. The few girls I've fell for, got rejected, but learnt something in return.
i. UMKC ---- Life now would be so different if I didnt have my dose of Kendo.
j. The other kendoka out there who I have previously met/trained with in my still short kendo life.

Extra thanks goes to all the teachers, tutors, lecturors who've gone through shit to try to convey me some knowledge. More thanks to those who I got to know well, and taught me more about life.

Special note goes to the people whom I've crossed paths with in online games. The SD clan in Halo, and the same bunch of people I used to play TF2 with on Sturhub and E-Club servers.



Thanks for being in my history.

*For those people who knew how I was like back in form 3. I was a really fierce authoritarian prick. But at times I felt like crying.